Mama boys

I was terribly naïve about what it takes to be a boy mum. I must confess I had very selfish reasons for wanting boys only.

I believed having a daughter would be the ultimate test. I have told friends that I feel I did not have womanhood figured out until I was 30 years or even a little over that. Was I really a good fit to help a little girl navigate femininity?

And then there is the little matter of a world system that is extremely unfair to girls and women. In my opinion, the world is a terribly unequal place and the search for equality and equity is very utopic. The only thing we can pursue and possibly have some success with is promoting justice where women are concerned.

I didn’t feel ready or able to help another little girl walk through the experiences that led me to this opinion. It would be too painful to watch.

I know many people wished a girl for me with my third pregnancy. I suppose they felt that since I had two boys, this had to be the purpose of a third child.  They assumed they wanted it for me as much as I wanted it for myself. Little did they know that this was far from it.

Selfishly, I prayed that my third child would be another boy — to stick to the familiar and potentially have less worry. I suspect God answered this prayer with loads of laughter because he knew I was in for a ride.

I naively thought that I would never have to worry about the risk of a daughter getting pregnant before she is married. I am ashamed to have entertained these thoughts. It is a complete antithesis to what I have believed about the power of girls and further, the proof I have that children born out of unplanned pregnancies or outside of marriage turn out into amazing human beings, just like those born in the “perfect” set up have of turning out to be terrible people.

God’s laughter

I have now accepted that raising a child is just that. Raising a child. In my case, there is nothing I have escaped (hence God’s laughter).

Baby boys are just as delicate as baby girls. The world has generally become unsafe for both boys and girls.

Baby boys are at risk of abuse in all forms just as much as girls. They are just as much at risk of being lured by someone they know into harmful activities including of a sexual nature.

What about their susceptibility to drug use and to crime and violence as the world demonstrates and challenges them that this is what masculinity is about?  

Their health is just as delicate. Nothing made this more real than having to treat a UTI for one of my boys. My brain ran into a myriad of places where the infection could have come from. I had to calm myself, realizing that there are issues of hygiene that we need to emphasize as the boys become more independent. There is also the issue of going to the toilet when they have the urge to and not holding it.  For this I would like to say, Dear Teacher, a child’s frequent trips to the bathroom are not necessarily a bad thing. It could be an indication of a health issue. Sigh!

I shudder at the thought that my boys will be teenagers and there will be a girl parent somewhere warning their daughter against my boys. My cute, kind and so adorable baby boys will be considered a danger to some girls somewhere! What would I do if they came and said that their girlfriend is pregnant? Would I be quick to ask him if he is sure it’s his? You know girls these days (sigh)! Or would I be the parent that supports him to be responsible to care for his child? Since he felt ready for sex then he must have been ready for the consequences. I say this because despite best efforts by parents to raise their child right at the end of the day they will still have to make their own decisions. How ready am I to deal with the bad decisions that boys make?

My mind has a way of running away with a thought. To some extent this could be considered overthinking. I wonder how much more of an overthinker I would be if I had a girl.

I am thankful for my boys. I am also thankful for the awareness, and I pray for as much vigilance as I would if I had a girl. God has a purpose for my boys and for me as a boy mum. I see an even higher purpose to raise a generation of godly, confident, and responsible men in a world where masculinity and femininity are in constant conflict. I think the most important thing then is to enjoy the journey and then continue to believe God that he will continue to empower me for these purposes.