by Your children can’t find the shoe right below their eyeballs; one kid hit the other with something you didn’t even know was in your house, and the other seems to be running a fever. The non-shoe finder won’t do their homework unless under police supervision, while the hitter has lost all their school stationery for the third time this half of the term; and the feverish one is now throwing up their breakfast.
You’re exhausted, frustrated, broke, and one more “Mom!” away from swallowing them back into your stomach.
Babies are cute and adorable, but they can instantly make you lose your marbles and, possibly, your salvation. Ask every young mother what their favorite life soundtrack is today, and you’ll hear different versions of, “I’m so overwhelmed!”
I have been in that overwhelmed face for the last decade, with only a few months of grace in between. I remember one time in 2018 when all I needed was adult company — a few minutes of not speaking baby language, just having an hour sit-down with a fellow adult, preferably a fellow mother, and talking anything but kids.
I did find my tribe, and we’ve had a great time together; we’re still thick as thieves and totally inappropriate when we’re together. I love that gang!
The best people to have in your corner as a young mother, wife and career woman are older women who have been and still are mothers and career women. This week, one mother reached out to me, and in our banter, I explained how life has been happening so fast.
The best people to have in your corner as a young mother, wife and career woman are older women who have been and still are mothers and career women.
A major location shift, changing kids’ schools, and how that went south really fast — we had to take them out of a “Renowned school in Nairobi” due to negligence, subtle bullying, and general apathy of the teaching staff and administration three weeks into their admission.
Things would seem to be falling into place, and then they’d come crashing down again. Transitioning and restarting life is complex; and I’m transitioning in almost every imaginable phase of life right now.
“How are you?” is difficult to answer, but I have learned to be honest, especially to older godly women. They usually get it in a minute; you rarely have to explain much. These women have been there — they know how steep the slide is and how dizzy you are from the roller coaster, and they know that at this stage of life, young mothers focus on the wrong things.
Setting the bar low
After my subtle confession and offloading my heart in a small way, this blessed mother said, “That is A LOT. I hope you are giving yourself grace.”
I don’t think I’m giving myself enough grace. I have caught myself judging the person in the mirror for the mess in my living room and the bigger mess in my kitchen sink. I have talked down on myself for not having enough energy to make chapati every weekend and bake a bunch of cookies and cakes with the babies.
I have particularly hated myself for how difficult it is for me to bend and pick up things from the floor or even apply oil on my feet [may the reader read and understand 🙂 .]
She added, “Please set the bar really low… you are all breathing, kids have eaten—[that is a] successful day. I am not trying to make you feel better … I am old enough to know I have stressed over a lot of stuff that I did not need to 😁.”
That, right there, was my saving grace. I’m now taking days easy without feeling like I’m letting the world down. Yes, the earth will still rotate on its axis even when I take an hour’s nap. The sun will shine as I prop my feet up with a cup of black tea and no, no one will die from eating the same meal twice in a day.
It’s so good when older wives teach the younger ones. If you have no older friends, please find one and talk to them regularly about the things that weigh you down. I promise they have been there and know a few truths that will liberate you.
Paul, speaking to Titus, said, “Older women, likewise, are to be reverent in their behavior, not slanderers or addicted to much wine, but teachers of good. In this way, they can train the young women to love their husbands and children, to be self-controlled, pure, managers of their households, kind, and submissive to their own husbands so that the word of God will not be discredited.”
Get one today.
