by My last born is one year old now. A year goes so terribly fast. He has moved from this little helpless boy with energy and attitude. He has been a great addition for our family. He is starting to have the mischievous adventures of a toddler, hands in dirty water, always putting things in his mouth, climbing where he should not be climbing. Today he was attempting to climb the cooker using the oven door handle (gasp).
His big brothers adore him and love to hang out with him most of the time. He is starting to join them in some of their shenanigans. He gets very excited when he sees them play football. A beautiful brotherhood is growing and I have nothing but gratitude to God for this.
However, it’s not been an easy journey. It had been five years since I handled a small baby. My body had forgotten the drama of postpartum. The excitement of the little addition and then the feeling that you are just overwhelmed. For me it was when he could not sleep. My tolerance and resilience had been worn down I guess. Blame it on age. There are moments I was unkind to my baby. Yet we were all trying to adjust to a new life. I tried to remind myself that the baby is not a robot with an on and off button.
What about the drama of handling a new born in Mombasa heat? My first two were born in the heart of central Kenya. In the cold factory as my sister called it. My babies were always in layers and layers of clothes. Here, just dressing him in a romper gave him heat rush. The horrible kind with pus. All the beautiful rompers I bought were useless. So, he was scrawny and uncovered and it was all so new and strange to me. He would sleep very well under the fan. Either the cool air or the hum of the fan would sooth him to sleep.
He still cannot sleep through the night. This remains a struggle.
As I think through the adjustments and changes we have experienced, I have the following five points for mums who are having a third (or second) baby after a long while (if five years is long).
It will come back to you. The whole caring for an infant. You might feel like you have forgotten but it will come back to you. It does not hurt to read a little to remind yourself. But in the middle of the night, when the baby is screaming, there is no time to search the internet for answers. So trust your instincts, and stay calm. It will come back to you.
The older kids are growing. I wondered how I would hack to put the baby down and still run the evening routine for the older ones. I felt bothered by the dependence of the older ones for me to read a story, say a prayer and tuck them in. I did not want them to feel like their baby brother was taking it all away from them. So I did it grudgingly not realising that slowly, they were becoming less and less reliant on me because they were and still are growing. I am more and more able to tend to the little one without the feeling that I am neglecting the others.
You are also growing. You will learn what is important and what is not. For instance I have one slow feeder. Before, I would sit with him, singing the song. “Bite. Chew. Swallow”. However I have learned which battles to pursue. I don’t sit with him any longer, often all the kids including the baby eat at the same time and so once am done feeding the baby, I close shop and leave the table. He has learned to just feed himself and finish since he does not want to be fed. I tell him that if I stay with him I will be upset and its best that I don’t get upset. Growth.
You will feel overwhelmed. There are days nothing will go as it should. Nights where you think you have done just the right combination of everything for an extended night of sleep only for it to not work. You will want to die. You will question your life purpose and mission. It will feel never ending. Should these feelings last to the extent you feel you can harm yourself or your baby please get help. Pass the baby over to someone else. Breastmilk is best but even a bottle of formula given by another adult while you catch a breath is still okay.
The new baby is his/her her own person. She/he will not be a replica of the other one(s). What worked for the others could fail miserably for this one. Be ready to learn your new person. Our baby has been completely different. He has walked earlier than the others, he was much faster in accepting a variety of solids. If I was not a control freak he likely would have done very well with baby led weaning. So do your best to ditch the comparison and learn your new person.
Every day that passes, the baby grows and so do you. So in those moments when it feels like forever. It really is not. Give yourself a hug, cut yourself some slack. God has a plan and a purpose for you and the little one so rely on him to give you the strength you need.
