by “Valentine’s is coming, where is your boyfriend?…
You know the popular song by Kabusa Oriental Choir. All four verses taunt the girls for being picky with the boys and yet here is Valentine’s day and they are still single. It gives us a great laugh every year, or does it?
I was single once. And I tend to think it was not long enough. I must confess I have asked myself a lot recently how different life would have been if on Jan 5th, 2011, I had said no to the marriage proposal. What if I had said I want to see the world a little bit more, experience it and have it experience me 🤣? What would have happened?
My then boyfriend (now husband) liked to say he cannot propose on a significant day like Valentine’s Day, lest it goes south and the day is ruined for the rest of his life. So, I knew that his proposal would likely be on the most random day. In the end, he did not pick that random a day. Jan 5 was already a significant day for him but luckily for him, it all worked out.
I have secretly admired a school mate of mine who has remained single since our campus days. In my view she was among the most likely to be married after we graduated. She had all the makings of what would have been considered, within our circle, wife material. However, she is, to the best of my knowledge, still single. On social media, where all our lives look perfect, she looks like she’s living the dream — traveling the world, experiencing life to the fullest.
Don’t get me wrong, I love my family. I love all my boys to bits! I would not trade them in for the world. However, I have not met a wife or mother like me who has not occasionally wondered, what life would look like if they had chosen a different path. In the same breath, I have also come to accept that being single has difficulties. I am more empathetic and accepting that being single today is very different.
If I was single now, I would be in deep trouble. I would likely have given up on ever meeting someone and possibly regretted turning down that proposal on January 5 those many years back. I watched a reel some time back giving tips on how to handle illness when you are single, including sleeping close to the door of your house to make sure you can get out or can easily be heard if you needed to call for help if your condition is exacerbated. That was a new perspective for me who has at least three people with me at home every single day.
As Valentine’s approaches, with all its emotions and expectations, I would like to share some encouragement for those who are single during this time of the year.
- You will find love. Love comes in many forms in my opinion. It can be a person, or it can be a purpose that consumes your time and thoughts in a similar measure. If you dig deep, you are likely to find the person or the thing. You can find both and/ or one and that is all right.
- Marriage is not the trophy. Oh how I wish it was. Single people hate to hear that marriage is tough. Sorry but I will say it again, it’s tough. Because marriage was not intended to make you happy but to make you holy. Marriage, even to the sweetest partner, will still test you and stretch you. As the Pastor says during a wedding ceremony, the decision to marry should not be taken lightly. So, ladies if he is not proposing maybe, it’s okay to wait a little or end it if you both don’t seem to be on the same page regarding when to be married if at all. And for the gents, she said no? You may have dodged a bullet.
- Give love a chance – again. The end of one relationship is the opportunity for a new and better one if you are willing to learn the lessons. I had one devastating heartbreak and a scrap book of failed marriage to refer to from my mother’s files. I could have easily decided it’s not for me. But I did not… don’t give up.
Happy Valentine’s day!
