by By Winnie Ngahu
There’s a phenomenon I have observed lately — teenagers walking around with huge contraptions over their heads covering their ears. I am talking about headphones. The dictionary defines them as a pair of small loudspeaker drivers worn on or around the head over a user’s ears. Please note that they are first and foremost loud speakers and secondly single use or privately used by a single user. If you walk down a street in town, catch a bus or matatu, or roam around in a shopping mall, if you even sit at a hospital bench, you will see them. Teenagers in oversized clothes, rugged hair, socks and slides, with huge headphones that say to the world, “I am in my own world.”
I saw one young man walking down Valley Road completely shut off from the sounds of life, completely immersed in his own world; living privately in a public space. I have seen siblings sitting next to each other wearing individual sets. Every 30 minutes or so, one will turn and tap the other to catch their attention and share something on their individual screen, they will then giggle at some private joke and promptly put back on their headsets.
Initially, I thought to myself, “This generation will show us things.” Then God gently nudged me to go back in time to when I was a teenager. While there’s so much to be said about their level of alienation from the world, and while we as the adults may be tempted to look upon this headphone situation with disdain or infuriation, I look back to our teen years and now I am amused. One of the first things I ever bought for myself was a small handheld radio. It was cute and silver, with a retractable antenna. It must be noted that my folks owned a radio (cassette and all), but I scrounged and saved my boarding school pocket money so that on one closing day, I passed by a shop in town and brought home the shiny trinket.
It went with me everywhere — the kitchen when cooking, outside when doing laundry, the bedroom… I think I took it with me to the shop on occasion. It operated on batteries, and I made sure there was a constant supply, especially in the evening just before ‘Sundowner’ on KBC radio, and for the Saturday night show. Every Saturday night, the radio presenter would read out the lyrics of a popular song, and we would be poised with pen and paper to jolt it down. I mean, I owned my own personal lyrics notebook like I now own a recipe book. Sundowners was presented by Jeff Mwangemi every weekday 6pm-7pm. He played a blend of laid back country, classics and blues. It’s impossible to now hear a song from that collection and not hum along. Such nostalgia.
This is not a justification of absurd teen behavior or a glossing over of issues that should be deeply contemplated. It is only an attempt to remind us as parents that the teenage season has unique attributes that should be considered with gentleness. Stages of life vary in the cycle of human life and each stage should be dealt with appropriately. As I have contemplated my own teenagers, I recognise the tendency to want them to behave like adults, maybe because they are so tall and possess such adult like features, but they are not adults. The science of human development shows that their brains are not at full capacity yet. In fact, current studies prove that adolescence stretches all the way to 25 years for some people. Unlike the old saying, ” if it walks and quacks like a duck, then it’s a duck”, this does not apply to teenagers. They look and sound like adults, but they are not adults. Cut them some slack and parent them accordingly.
Lastly, this is to remind us, as a fellow parent rightly pointed out to me, that God is the God of all generations and he does not change. Psalms 119:89-90 NIV: “Your word, Lord, is eternal; it stands firm in the heavens. Your faithfulness continues through all generations; you established the earth, and it endures.”
This admonishes us to stop the narrative of “this generation” and engage with what needs to be dealt with, with perspective and clarity. It is to remind us that we were once teenagers with “hot blood” coursing through our veins, and we are now adults. It is to say to you, dear parents of teens, that this too shall pass, and if this knowledge can inform your parenting, then you will extend more grace and guide more wisely. It is to remind us that God is present even in this generation because he says it in his word. Psalms 33:11 NIV: “But the plans of the Lord stand firm forever, the purposes of his heart through all generations.” And Lamentations 5:19 NIV: “You, Lord, reign forever; your throne endures from generation to generation.”
Winnie Ngahu is a Christian and counseling psychologist who practices and lives in Nairobi with her husband and three children. She is dedicated to understanding teenagers and young adults and how they relate with the world. ‘They are open, eager, curious and fearless; imagine the endless possibilities of who they could grow into if offered patient guidance and mentorship’.
