by By Olive Ngoe
I arrive at our agreed venue at exactly 2pm. My plan is to get myself seated at a vantage point where I can watch as Hellene, my guest for the day, walks in. We have known each other for some time now and one of the things I love about her is how she carries herself. Regal is the word that comes to mind — straight back, chin up and confident strides, with a warm friendly demeanor.
My hopes of discreetly observing her entrance disappear in the heat of the day as I find her already seated and waiting. That is Hellen for you.
Hellene Otieno is a financial coach and the founder and CEO of Keller Enterprises. The reason I want to talk to her today is because she has recently coauthored a book titled “She Leads”, which highlights the experiences of remarkable women leaders as they tackle different aspects of leadership. In the book, she shares her invaluable experience on work-life balance.
Olive: Thanks Hellene for the opportunity to let Zana interview you. Please tell us a little about your background.
Hellene: I had a pretty good childhood. I had parents who were present. Especially my mum. I remember her as very strict. Mothers always default to being the strict parent. Her influence on us, especially the girls was very strong. There are so many things I do today that when I look back, are things that my mom taught me to do — like cooking.
My dad was educated and had a good job. He was a good provider for the home. A lot of times he would not be home yet we always felt his presence.
Our first-born brother inculcated in us a reading culture. He would buy us age-appropriate books, and loved to discuss the books. He was another influence on my life.
Olive: I love the way you walk into a room, upright and you are confident. Did you also learn that from childhood?
Hellene: I was a very shy teenager, up to the time I was in university, I was one of those people who would never look people in the eye. My brother, however, could make you feel like you could do anything. He was a confident in his own abilities. I realized I can do anything I purpose to do.
Sometimes people tell me, ‘Hellen you are so confident’. And I agree. Even when I am speaking and feel the flutter of being nervous, my demeanor remains confident. Our first-born Owino was a very big influence.
Olive: You studied Land Economics. Was that something you wanted to pursue?
Hellene: The marks you got largely dictated what course you got into. My brother is the one who suggested I do Land Economics. He thought it was an interesting course that would set me up on a good career path. I found it interesting and it gave me my best friend Jennifer, who went on to become a lecturer in that department.
After University, I switched into banking because I got married right after campus in 1987 and had my first born in 1988. When I first started going for job interviews, interviewers would take one look at me and ask, ‘Are you sure your husband is going to let you go to places like Nyahururu and Kiambu to value things on your own?’ In those days, we hadn’t quite gotten to the place of general acceptance that women could do any job they wanted.
Olive: And so banking lasted 30 years. How was the journey?
Hellene: I started with Trade bank, an organization way ahead of its time. Those days forex was big. I became a Forex cashier. I moved into AM Bank which then bought NIC. From NIC I went to Barclays, then I went to Stanbic and finally back to Absa. I also did a brief stint in insurance and tried to venture into property management, but was not successful.
At this point life was intense and I needed to let out some steam. I began going out a lot – so much it begun to strain my relationships. I had never lived on my own; I went from campus and straight into marriage. The decision to go out a lot was mine but with some peer pressure. You want to belong, even at the workplace, and this is what others were doing. I didn’t realize then that even though I wanted to spend time with my colleagues, I was already married and needed to align my priorities so that my home and work do not suffer.
Olive: At what point did you intentionally start walking with God?
Hellene: My mum ensured we went to church on Sunday even though she didn’t go to church that much herself. For us, it was a way to socialize and meet new friends. In high school we began attending the Nairobi Baptist church. There I became born again. I was impressed by those who were born again, especially those who knew the Bible well.
I came to Mombasa after issues in my marriage and a job loss, and I joined Crossroads Fellowship. I was starting life again in Mombasa in 2015, having left everything back in Nairobi. No one knew the issues and pain I was going through. I dressed the part and got on with life. One day after a bad hangover on a Saturday night out, I walked into the pastor’s office and told him I was tired! We talked for a long time and I remember him telling me that walking the Christian walk is not easy. He encouraged me not to imagine that the many things I had done that I wasn’t proud of would be the basis on which God would judge me. He reminded me that God loved me and I could strengthen my faith and start walking with God seriously at my own pace. He said that the Christian walk is a lifelong journey and there are days my faith would be strong and other times weak.
That talk helped. I started taking my walk seriously, after being lukewarm for a long time. I had been the Christian who came to church, sat through the service and went home, not plugging into anything. I begun serving. I was in hospitality for a long time. Then I got into other programs and eventually into leadership.
Olive: Did this also mark the turning point for the marriage?
Hellene: No. that came much later, around 2020. I was in church with my children and the pastor was preaching on the family. He called for families that wanted prayer and I went with my two daughters. My son was in Nairobi then. The pastor asked what we would like to be prayed for. I told him about my husband and the fact that he was not in my children’s lives. He prayed and my children and I cried because of what he was asking God to do in our family. When we left, one of my daughters remarked, ‘Mum, I think something has changed. Did you hear the way Pastor Banda prayed?’ and I agreed.
I remember after that, we were heading to Nairobi for Christmas. My son, who didn’t have a very good relationship with his dad, requested we visit the father and I agreed. When he saw his children [Natasha was so tall; he had left when she was a tiny girl in Class Five], he wept as he realized his children had grown so much and he had not been there. That’s when we started talking. He asked for forgiveness and I also asked for forgiveness since I had not been a saint and could have made better choices.
We talked about our family and where we wanted to go and what we wanted to do. Trust is very delicate and sometimes if it is broken, it takes a long time to recover. Sometimes, I feel like it never goes back to what it was but you keep working at it.
Olive: How was the process of forgiveness?
Hellene: Life groups helped me grow. The discussions after the lessons helped me realize that some group members were also facing similar challenges. I remember once I shared with a life group member who was also going through a difficult time in his marriage. I wondered how he knew the Bible so well yet the situation had made him so bitter you could see it on his face. When he talked about his wife, there was so much pain and bitterness. I remember opening up to him about my own situation and told him: “Many times we get to a place where we only talk about the wrongs of the other party but whenever there is a problem in a relationship, both parties have contributed to that situation either by commission or omission. Omission also creates some behavior.”
It was hard for him to accept that at first. I encouraged him to think about what he might have done to make his wife behave the way she did. To this day we have remained good friends because of that honesty.
There are situations that make you grow so much. I used to feel like I can’t forgive. I felt my husband made the decision to abandon his family. When he left me, I did not even know what bills were and I did not have a job. I knew there was a God and He would help me and I used to pray to Him. And he came through for me in that time even though I was not walking intentionally with him. When I got a job in Mombasa, it was such a struggle because I was to do things I had never done before — supporting my kids through school, they had to eat, my eldest daughter was joining college, my son was in Form Four and would be joining college after that — and it was overwhelming.
After going through that, it was hard to understand how people talked about forgiveness and reconciliation. I was viewing it all from a point of pain; I thought I could not forgive. My husband had made his bed. His parents too never spoke about our situation even though they knew what was happening.
What made me forgive was doing the Motherwise study by Denise Glenn. Reading what Denise went through in her own marriage and the fact that sometimes she also wanted to leave and that she eventually got to a place of forgiveness was a catalyst for me. Sharing in the group and hearing what other women were going through in their own marriages also encouraged me.
God worked on my heart.
There were also other issues in the marriage. The in-laws had contributed to the strain in our lives. My husband is the third born in the family but he was like the first born. Everyone would just come to our house. He ended up doing everything for everyone else and neglected his family. Families are complex. There’s a quote by satguru – there’s no such thing as work-life balance; it is all life. The balance has to be within you. It’s more like work-life choices, and the choices have consequences. There is a way you schedule your priorities so that everything flows. You are not supposed to be powering through life. If you are powering through, it means you are constantly meeting obstacles. Try and achieve flow. There are things that if you do not do at a specific time, they catch up with you in the future.
Olive: You eventually decided to go into financial coaching. Why?
Hellene: I worked in business banking for the last six to eight years before I left. I noticed how many SMEs had talented people with high business acumen. They have green fingers, they are able to start something and make it profitable. However once they are running, they can’t even measure their profits. They do not know when they have outgrown the original business idea. They are not aware of when they are supposed to scale up. There’s so much information that business people don’t have. Mine is an attempt to address this gap. Business coaching and mentorship is still not appreciated and many wonder why I would be concerned with ‘their money and how they use it’. Those who have realized the importance have embraced it and I have been able to add value to them and help them grow.
Olive: How does practical Christianity at the workplace look like?
Hellene: First, it has to be intentional. The way one lives has the potential to influence others and make them gravitate towards Christ. Especially when they see how you face similar challenges and pressures. I started encouraging my colleagues to start departmental meetings with a word of prayer. At first it was awkward but then they began looking forward to it. Second, be sensitive in the work environment, for example when you notice someone is not doing so well, don’t ignore that. Find out, and if they are open to talking, they will talk; if not, at least they know that somebody cares and has opened an avenue for engagement. Third, engage people at their level. Remember as Christians, we are also winning souls for Christ. We are seekers. When we see someone who needs that love, we are to share it.
On work life balance, my anchor verse comes from Ecclesiastes 3:1. It is about scheduling your time to your various priorities. Anything that you don’t nurture dies. The question you are trying to answer is, ‘What is most important to me?’ This goes back to your own values — what do you value?
There are people who love the corner office — that is all they aspire for. Then there are people who, no matter what happens, when it’s time to go home and be with the family, they will close and go home. My family is top priority for me — the health of my children, what they are doing and my husband. The key is not prioritizing what’s in our schedule but scheduling our priorities. This leads us to the law of intentionality as stated by John Maxwell.
As Christians we need to realize that we are not in heaven yet. We need to live with wisdom in all seasons. Our faith walk should not be carried out with misplaced zeal. For instance, a new mother spending all her time in church or an employee being comfortable with average work. There’s a time and season for everything. Another example is that I decline invites to speak when I am invited on short notice. I value preparation.
Olive: You are passionate about growth.
Hellene: Yes. Growth is important for me because it keeps life fresh. There’s a lot to look forward to. Life is evolving so much and if you don’t evolve you will be out of place. That is why I like to keep growing. I am always reading books, taking a course. In this day and age it is so easy to grow with the internet and online resources. In the information age, who are you not to sponge on this knowledge?
When I am engaged, life stays interesting and fresh and my mind remains sharp. Traditionally, most people retire and retreat to their rural homes to wait for their end yet they still have so much value to add. God has fashioned us to keep growing, and if you are not growing, you are dying. I want to be like mum who is 85 and still very alert and lucid. She is still an avid reader and follows her favorite sermons on TV. She is agile and fit. It is about conditioning the mind, body and spirit.
Olive: You have rightly mentioned that there’s a lot of information that one is privy to. What advice would you give to young people who seem overwhelmed with information?
Hellene: When I talk to young people, I always emphasize on the importance of identity. And primarily their identity in Christ. Who does God say you are? And what does He say about you? You are God’s heir. Why are you comparing yourself to other people? When I feel overwhelmed, I remember who I am and the values that ground me in my person and in my faith as a Christian. Determine your priorities, be disciplined about them and exercise boundaries.
Olive: Some final words?
Hellene: Let us to share the love of Christ. I have a burden for young people, especially because of the mental health issues they grapple with in this age and not knowing Christ in all this makes it so much harder. When one knows Christ, the burden is lessened because He invites the weary and heavy laden to come to him. When I see someone struggling and unable to cope, I always draw them to that part of Scripture, to let them know that it is okay to have down time; you don’t always need to be having stuff done. It is okay to shut down, kick back and do nothing and not feel guilty about it at all. Tomorrow is another day and it will get better. Always know that God has your back and that’s why a relationship with God is important.
There are some tips I can leave with you on how to balance your life:
Know your values. They keep you grounded especially when you have many seemingly competing priorities.
Practice time management. Schedule your priorities and don’t put too much time where you don’t want to focus.
Set your boundaries and priorities.
Enjoy your work. If you are not currently, be on the quest for something that you truly enjoy.
Review your finances every so often because finances are a stressor that can really unbalance you.
When your finances increase don’t let life creep up on you in a quest to acquire more. Build your wealth.
Nurture your relationships – family, friends, workplace etc
Focus on your health. Do something that your body will thank you for many years later.
Have downtime – your personal time or me time.
Learn to say NO.
Take it slow and trust that it will all come together.
Psalm 92:12-15:
12 The righteous will flourish like a palm tree,
they will grow like a cedar of Lebanon;
13 planted in the house of the Lord,
they will flourish in the courts of our God.
14 They will still bear fruit in old age,
they will stay fresh and green,
15 proclaiming, “The Lord is upright;
he is my Rock, and there is no wickedness in him.”
