by By Javan Kilele
Spiritual abuse is the use of the sacred to harm or deceive the soul of another. It is “a pattern of serious, objective and sinful behaviours that centre around control and coercion, whereby a spiritual authority exploits their position and perhaps Scripture for the purpose of selfish gain” (Rochford, 2023).
Because a spiritual leader has access to people’s hearts, innocence, vulnerability and formation and all the power tools at their disposal, they can use these to exploit or harm verbally, sexually, emotionally, physically, financially and spiritually, leaving victims with serious emotional, physiological and psychological wounds.
Spiritual abuse occurs when a leader uses their authority in the church to manipulate, control or harm others for their own benefit, often under the guise of righteousness or godly leadership. When spiritual leaders use God’s sacred Word or their position of religious authority in ways that harm another, commanding them to do wrong, manipulating, deceiving or humiliating people, they have spiritually abused them. Often, you will hear leaders tell people “God says,” but their character does not reflect the character of the God whose words they use.
Other red flags of abusive spiritual leaders include:
- Leaders who wield scripture as a weapon to humiliate or coerce behaviour.
- Leaders who cannot receive correction because they are “God’s anointed”.
- Leaders who value loyalty over truth.
- Leaders who are focused on personality/institutional image over the advancement of God’s Kingdom.
- Power posturing: Leaders who spend a lot of time reminding followers of their calling or authority.
- Leaders who routinely use guilt, fear, shame, love, hate, elite mentality and intimidation as a means of controlling followers. Teachings continuously focus on submission, loyalty and obedience to the leader.
- Rigid and legalistic lifestyle. Allegiance to the church has priority over allegiance to God, family, personal ambition, personal welfare or anything else.
- Deification of leaders. The leader is presented as a “spiritual elite”, having direct access to God, a special measure of God’s blessing, and particularly powerful spiritual gifts.
In the New Testament, the Pharisees exemplify this kind of leadership, as Jesus pointed out in Matthew 23:4, “They tie up heavy, cumbersome loads and put them on other people’s shoulders, but they themselves are not willing to lift a finger to move them” (NIV). This shows how spiritual leaders can become oppressive by focusing on their own authority and self-righteousness instead of serving and loving those under their care.
How to best confront abusive spiritual leaders
When dealing with a church leader who is in a self-justifying and spiritually abusive relationship with their community, it is crucial to address the issue with wisdom, biblical principles, and an awareness of the grave harm that spiritual abuse can cause. The goal should be to restore the leader, protect the flock, and prevent further damage all while following biblical guidance.
The first biblical step in dealing with a spiritually abusive leader is confrontation. Matthew 18:15-17 provides a model for addressing sin within the community: “If your brother or sister sins, go and point out their fault, just between the two of you. If they listen to you, you have won them over” (v. 15).
It is essential to address the issue privately and directly, allowing the leader an opportunity for reflection, repentance, and restoration. This confrontation should be done with humility, love, and a focus on restoration, not punishment (Galatians 6:1).
One major challenge with confrontation is that many abusive leaders use all manner of intimidation and threats. The goal of these intimidation tactics “…is for you to see the abuser as powerful and to be frightened into silence”. This, however, should not hinder us from exposing and bringing to light what is happening in the dark.
If the leader refuses to acknowledge their behaviour or continues to justify their actions, further steps are needed. Matthew 18:16-17 suggests bringing one or two witnesses to confirm the matter and, if necessary, taking it to the broader church. In cases of spiritual abuse, it is crucial to involve other leaders or a neutral third party who can help mediate and discern the best course of action.
Galatians 6:1-2 emphasizes the goal of restoring a fallen leader gently: “Brothers and sisters, if someone is caught in a sin, you who live by the Spirit should restore that person gently.” The goal is always restoration, not punishment or exclusion. However, if the leader remains unrepentant, the church must take steps to protect the community by following the instructions of Titus 3:10-11, which speaks of removing a divisive person after appropriate warnings.
The church must also consider the well-being of those harmed by the leader’s abuse. Ezekiel 34:1-10 describes God’s judgment on shepherds who fail to care for their flock and instead use them for personal gain. Proper support systems should be in place to protect people who have undergone abuse or help them to report to the right authorities. Wade Mullen in his book Something’s Not Right: Decoding the Hidden Tactics of Abuse—and Freeing Yourself from Its Power notes that “abusers may seek to isolate you from institutions that provide supportive services, like journalists or members of the judicial system, that may expose or punish their abuse”. We must prioritize the healing and care of the victims of spiritual abuse by ensuring they are supported and not left vulnerable to further harm.
How to guard against becoming a spiritual abuser
A ministry leader must guard against becoming spiritually abusive by cultivating humility, accountability and a servant’s heart. Philippians 2:3-4 reminds leaders, “Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves, not looking to your own interests but each of you to the interests of the others.”
Leaders must be aware of their own hearts, motivations and potential for pride by regularly evaluating their actions against biblical principles. John Piper in a video titled Greatness, Humility, Servanthood on Desiringgod.org states that “humility gives itself away in serving everyone, rather than seeking to be served”. Without humility, we won’t serve, or we will serve for the wrong reasons.
Accountability is also essential. Proverbs 11:14 says, “Where there is no guidance, a people falls, but in an abundance of counselors there is safety” (ESV). Leaders should not be isolated in their decision-making but should invite accountability from trusted individuals and peers who can speak into their lives and ministry. This guards against the unchecked power that often leads to spiritual abuse.
Finally, leaders must embody Christ-like servanthood. Jesus set an example in John 13 where He washed His disciples’ feet, illustrating the posture of humility and service that should characterize all spiritual leadership. A leader who focuses on serving others rather than asserting authority is less likely to fall into patterns of spiritual abuse.
Diane Langberg in the book, Redeeming Power: Understanding Authority and Abuse in the Church, rightly argues that “the natural development of Christ in us is humility, righteousness, and service”.
In conclusion, dealing with a spiritually abusive leader requires wisdom, patience and a firm commitment to biblical principles. Confrontation should be done in love, with the aim of restoration, while protecting the community from further harm. Leaders must guard their hearts against pride and self-justification by fostering humility, accountability and a servant’s heart. In doing so, they reflect the character of Christ and provide a safe, nurturing environment for those under their care.
References
Desiring God. (2013, March 30). Greatness, humility, servanthood [Video]. YouTube. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HJ1Niel_jCw
Johnson, D., & VanVonderen, J. (1991). The Subtle Power of Spiritual Abuse: Recognizing and Escaping Spiritual Manipulation and False Spiritual Authority within the Church. Bethany House Publishers.
Foster, Dione (2019) Why South Africans are Prone to Falling for Charlatans in the Church. The Conversation.
Langberg, Diane. (2020), Redeeming Power: Understanding Authority and Abuse in the Church (p. 127). Baker Publishing Group.
Mullen, Wade. (2020), Something’s Not Right: Decoding the Hidden Tactics of Abuse—and Freeing Yourself from Its Power (p. 85). Tyndale House Publishers.
Pretorius, S. P (2007) Seemingly harmless new Christian religious Movements in South Africa Pose Serious Threats of Spiritual Abuse. HTS Teologiese Studies Vol 63, No 1
Rochford , J. (2023, October 24). Spiritual abuse: Avoiding Two extremes. Dwell Community Church. https://www.dwellcc.org/essays/spiritual-abuse-avoiding-two-extremes
Javan Kilele serves as a youth pastor at Praise Chapel Mombasa. He is married to Joy Javan and they are both actively involved in ministering to young people in Mombasa. He is passionate about faithful Biblical preaching and growing passionate followers of Christ through Bible-centred discipleship.
