by My youngest son does this thing where he cries inconsolably. He is squarely in the tantrum stage that hits around 3–4 years. Don’t touch him, don’t speak to him BUT don’t leave him. Stay there, watch him weep, and have him reject every possible comfort I can provide.
I have dealt with it in different ways; sometimes I walk away and hope that when he is ready, he will come and seek my comfort. Other times I get annoyed and spank him to jar him out of it; other times I keep offering comfort options and encourage him to voice what he wants. It’s frustrating to the core and often annoying, especially when there is something else I would rather be doing.
I have realised that I can be like that many times. I learned recently about what it means to be neurotic. According to Gemini, neuroticism is characterised by a chronic tendency to experience negative emotions, including anxiety, fear, moodiness and irritability. For years, I have assigned my tendency for negative emotions to being melancholic; now I have a new word. Part of me can’t help but wonder if it’s okay to accept this new label, but it really does describe me to a great degree. Although, as an adult, of course, I have learned to self-regulate, pick myself up and seek out the bright side.
A very important aspect of my self-regulation is faith. I am a Christian, and I know that God offers comfort to us many times in his word. There are moments, however, where I am inconsolable. Especially when outcomes don’t go my way. I have so many moments where I have been inconsolable. Some years back, I had a series of unfortunate events involving losing my wallets. Two incidents in close succession. I remember sitting in the spare room in our house sobbing as my husband tried to comfort me.
More recently, my sisters and I worked hard to organise a photo shoot for my mother’s 80th Birthday. Our car broke down 4km away from my mother’s house, where the photoshoot was to take place. My emotions were running high. Not very helpful, especially with three little boys watching to see how I was coping. At the same time, I checked on my nephew and realised that he was running late and likely to miss out on the shoot. Another sister and her family were also running late. At one point, everything felt like it was falling apart. In the end, however, it all worked out. My nephew did miss the shoot, but he is a graphic designer and was able to photoshop himself into the pictures. He did so with the one big group photo we took, and it was like he was right there.
Accepting comfort is a new skill I‘m learning. God is constantly sending comfort our way. Even when the chaos is far from over, in his infinite wisdom and love, he is taking us on a journey of growth, perfecting our faith. For instance, in Isaiah 51, God assures his people of salvation, not just momentary but lasting salvation.
“The Lord will surely comfort Zion
and will look with compassion on all her ruins;
he will make her deserts like Eden,
her wastelands like the garden of the Lord.
Joy and gladness will be found in her,
thanksgiving and the sound of singing” Isaiah 51:3
The verses not only assure us of salvation but also challenge us to remember his all-surpassing power over the oppression we may experience.
“I, even I, am he who comforts you.
Who are you that you fear mere mortals,
human beings who are but grass,
13 that you forget the Lord your Maker,
who stretches out the heavens
and who lays the foundations of the earth,
that you live in constant terror every day
because of the wrath of the oppressor,
who is bent on destruction?
For where is the wrath of the oppressor?” Isaiah 51:12–13
I am learning to not let the neuroticsm get in the way. When I am tempted to panic, fatalize and downright tantrum (even with my big age) through a situation or challenge. I have succeeded sometimes other times I have failed but I must keep trying. I’d love to leave you with a question to sit with today — or to share your thoughts on in the comments below:
Think of a recent moment you felt overwhelmed. Who or what were you rejecting comfort from, and how can you practice letting comfort in next time?
