by I never genuinely thought about my mortality. I wrote my eulogy 14 years ago but its full weight didn’t hit me back then. Writing it at that time in my mid 20s as a church intern was more an aspirational exercise than measuring my life on the scales of reality. My dusty decade-and-a-half-old eulogy recorded my ministry dreams, family dreams, marriage dreams, work and legacy dreams if I was to die at the ripe old age of 85. I, however, got sucker punched the other day when realised that my dreams can easily turn into a nightmare. The question that rattled me was, “What would happen to my children if I died today?” This stray thought didn’t leisurely lodge in my head. It was like someone took a nail gun, loaded it with steel nails, put the gun’s nose in my nostril and squeezed the trigger.
I immediately switched off my laptop, left my desk and went to bed. It was about 11:30pm. My wife was already in bed. I woke her up and shared my modified burden: “Babe! What would happen to our children if we died today?”
She was not amused with my pillow talk. She gruntled, sighed, rolled over and continued to sleep. So like Sisyphus, I was left to push this boulder up the hill of reason that night and watch it crush back down into my dreams, twice waking me up.
The Bible charges believers to prepare to die. Psalms 39:4 says, “Lord, remind me how brief my time on earth will be. Remind me that my days are numbered— how fleeting my life is.” In our youthful zeal, we forget this and instead live extravagantly. We don’t budget or buy assets or put aside savings for a rainy day. We even spend money we do not have to impress people we do not like. We are deep in debt and when we do have some money, we are prodigals, recklessly spending on trinkets and lifestyles that fizzle.
Part of the preparation to die well for the saint is realizing your days are numbered and living with this end in mind. Psalms 90:12 says, “Teach us to realize the brevity of life, so that we may grow in wisdom.”
You don’t need to plot your life on the memento mori calendar to realize how brief your life is. You can be thankful for today and rejoice in your aging (Ecclesiastes 11:7). Our culture traps us with advertisements for anti-aging creams, hair dyes and lotions to smoothen wrinkles and make the skin firm because there is an unwarranted stigma of being old. But having gray hair is as beautiful as strength is for youth (Proverbs 20:29). Gray hair often shows experience. It says you have been through valleys and mountain top experiences and you are still here. It’s a lie that being youthful is the true sign of wisdom.
King Hezekiah offers an interesting perspective on living with the reality of death. He began his rule as king over Judah at the age of 25 and reigned for 29 years (2 Chronicles 29:1). He did what was pleasing to the LORD. Hezekiah repaired and cleansed the temple, organised a great Passover celebration, removed idols and destroyed the high places of pagan worship, but he fell sick around the time enemy nations were invading the land. As a result, the prophet Isaiah came and told him to set his affairs in order for he was going to die. However, Hezekiah prayed and pleaded with the LORD. God heard him and gave him fifteen extra years to live (2 Kings 20:1-11, Isaiah 38). Despite knowing he would die in 15 years, Hezekiah did not respond appropriately to the kindness shown to him by God. He became proud (2 Chronicles 32:25). This made the later part of his years dreadful. Pride is sin and it blinds us to the wrath of God against sin (Psalm 90:8-9).
We see the tentacles of pride in us or others when texts or emails are intentionally ignored in our everyday life. The refusal to take notice of another person’s written request or greetings is our way of feeling we are better than others. If we knew we were soon dying, we perhaps would not snub or pass over the people in our lives. We would instead build lasting memories by paying attention or connecting with our circle of friends.
When prophet Isaiah told Hezekiah of the coming judgement to the kingdom of Judah, instead of Hezekiah pleading for God’s mercy as he did for his life, he said to Isaiah, “This message you have given me from the Lord is good.” For the king was thinking, “At least there will be peace and security during my lifetime” (Isaiah 39:8). Hezekiah was okay with his sons being taken into exile and castrated (Isaiah 39:7) as long as there was peace when he was alive. We need to get rid of this expression of pride if it is present in our lives.
The other appendage of pride is boisterousness. It is the loud, arrogant and unrestrained person who demeans others. When such a person dies there is relief in the community (Proverbs 11:10). When the Babylonian delegation came to visit King Hezekiah after he got healed, he showed off all his prosperity to them (Isaiah 39:2). It’s no wonder the Babylonians attacked Judah. Rather than receive the gift from Merodach-baladan, king of Babylon with thankfulness, and giving praise to God for his healing, Hezekiah showed off to the envoy. People, like the envoy, don’t like to be degraded, humiliated, shamed or brought down for whatever reason. Philippians 2:3 tells us, ‘Don’t be selfish; don’t try to impress others. Be humble, thinking of others as better than yourselves.” Remember every good thing we have in this life is a gift from God’s loving hands.
Two other pride expressions we need to get rid of to live humbly before God and others in our brief time on earth is the pride of being needy and the pride of being easily offended. Being needy is a puffed up version of the question, “how do I look?” we ask our loved ones when choosing an outfit. It is pride in our lives to ever be fetching for compliments over our work, relationships and spiritual life. The pride of being offended is the pastor who is angry for not being called reverend or bishop, or the regular Joe who is extremely sensitive to minor slights. Both of these actions are forms of pride and God opposes the proud.
How then should we live?
“The Lord has told you what is good, and this is what he requires of you: to do what is right, to love mercy, and to walk humbly with your God ” (Micah 6:8). Do what is right with the time you have today. Put aside the money, buy the asset, do the budget, reply to the text, exercise, forgive and set your affairs in order today. Human life is fleeting. The faithful are encouraged that God is eternal and he has been with his people throughout the generations (Psalm 90:1-2) so don’t make your decisions out of fear but because it is the wise thing to do.
Love mercy. With the understanding that God can bring human life to a quick end (Psalm 90:3-6), give thanks when you flourish and bring down every prideful thought because like grass we soon wither away. Know that God does not applaud sin so thank him for his mercy towards you daily and extend mercy to orphans, widows, the poor, foreigners and those in need — for this is the command of God.
Walk humbly with God. Face your mortality. You need God in your everyday life. You need his unfailing love to give you gladness and to live a productive life (Psalm 90:13-17)
